The word expectations invokes different things for different people, yet most of us see it as a negative. Comments like “What did you expect?”, “Don’t get your hopes up.”, “Manage your expectations.” sound all too familiar. They all cast expectations in a negative light to varying degrees.

So why do we dread expectations and see them in a negative way? The simple answer is FEAR, the most basic driving force that we humans seem to indulge in on a daily basis.

Fear of failure, fear of being let down, fear of not being good enough and the list goes on and on.  The interesting fact is that we divide expectations and fear. By pulling these two intertwined threads, we obscure the reason for our dread of expectations, which is due to our internal fears and the way we perceive others will see us. I leave you with that thought, give it some pause and contemplate how fear impacts the way we behave.

Expectations, pressure and self, heavy stuff but basically both expectations and pressure are impacted by the latter, Self. We all make our own reality and in doing so sculpt the perspectives of others.

The word expectations predominantly has a cautionary negativity about it but it is also seen as an external force. I know that expectations commonly are exerted upon us from the outside, project, boss, peers, family….etc. Yet we overlook, the more important expectations those we carry within. We all carry these expectations of Self but we tend not to acknowledge them.

Small children tend to have no real fear of failure or how others will see them. How often have you heard a small child say “I can do that !”, even though they have never done it before? They are not inhibited by expectation either external or internal, they carry a self expectation that they can do anything and be good at it. Adults on the other hand become nervous and fearful of any potential failure, tending to exert massive amounts of stress upon themselves and adversely impacting the experience and even the outcome at times.

You see self-expectations are often overlooked but I believe they are the most powerful of all expectations. The image of self and how it impacts our behaviours and responses is a vast topic, I will not go into detail here but I will hopefully cast some light upon the issue, so as to help you along the path of self awareness about the Self-expectations we all carry.

These self-expectations that we have, often limit our advancement and stifle our ability to succeed. How often have we hesitated despite the obvious. This can be seen often in a career path where we settle in and get comfortable. We expect that comfort, and this feeling of comfort should be there, all the while slowly becoming oblivious to the need to stretch ourselves, so we can grow and feel a sense of accomplishment.

I’m not just talking about our salary or pay, although this is a very common symptom of the self-limiting expectations but the growing dissatisfaction from our own fear driven self-expectations. If you feel you could contribute or do a task better, why don’t you? The instinct is to keep your head down and bum up but at what cost to yourself and the group. The loudest and most assertive among us are not always the best suited to the task at hand.

Yet often we down-size our expectations to suit our comfortable stride.